I had a long run that did NOT go as planned on Sunday. I think there were a number of factors at play. But at the heart of the matter, I ultimately psyched myself out. I debated on whether or not to even write this post. I don’t want it to come across as me looking for sympathy or seeking attention. But ultimately, I decided it would be good to share. If nothing else, it might be helpful for me to come back and read it someday.

I’m trying not to dwell on what happened. At the end of the day it was a long run that’s very early in my training cycle. It wasn’t a race I had put in months of work for, nor was it a peak training run for a big race. But yet I’m still dwelling on it a little bit.

So this run. It was a point to point run on the Appalachian Trail from route 311 to route 220. It’s approximately 20 miles with over 4,000 feet of elevation gain. It was going to be a big run for me – definitely one of the toughest I’ve ever tackled. I knew it would be a big challenge. And it’s good to be realistic about that type of run. But for some reason I got really worked up leading up to it. I dwelled on the run in the days leading up to it, and even had a nightmare about the run two nights before hand. I was more nervous about this run than I have been about most of the races I’ve ever done. The night before the run I didn’t fall asleep until well after 2 AM. A short three hours later, my alarm was going off.

I wasn’t feeling great when I got up. I think a big part of it was nerves, but there were also some other factors at play that morning that just had me feeling not myself. I ate a little bit of food before we left, and attempted to eat some more as Barry and I made the drive up to Roanoke. However, I didn’t manage more than one Belvita biscuit.

We arrived in Roanoke about 5 minutes before the rest of the group. Once they arrived, we got a quick picture in the parking lot and then it was go time. We had a big group of at least 15 runners. It was kind of exciting, but I also felt really intimidated. I think I was feeling a bit of ‘imposter syndrome’ like I did not belong and was not good enough to run with these people. Definitely not the way to start out a challenging run.

The run started with a 3.5 to 4 mile, ~1200 foot climb up to McAfee Knob. I think the group broke up into about four sub-groups, and I was hanging with the second to last group. We alternated hiking and running and I was still so nervous, but feeling okay. However, about halfway up my energy started plummeting. I fell behind the group I was with and was soon passed by the last group as well. It wasn’t long before they were completely out of sight and it was just Barry and me.

My pace continued to slow as the terrain got steeper towards the top and I tried to eat some Honey Stinger chews and sip on water to try and help my energy levels. But as the climb became more challenging, my heart seemed to race faster and faster and I started feeling dizzy and nauseous. That, combined with not keeping up with the group, was demoralizing. Despite being encouraged days before by several of my running friends that I could do this run, I was doubting myself.

I’m not sure how much of the way I was feeling physically was manifested by how I was feeling mentally. But Sunday was definitely a lesson in the power of your mind, and how it can take over in a very negative way if you let it. Barry and I joined the group at the top (Being greeted by someone saying “oh, I forgot there were two more.” Yea, that’s how far behind I was. Blah). It was really foggy up top, so there wasn’t any view. We still got a group picture.

At this point, I knew my day was over. How could I continue with this group when I couldn’t even hang on the easier climb of the day? It wouldn’t have been fair for me to expect someone to wait an hour (or more) on me to finish at the other end (since this was a point to point run, I’d need a ride back to my car). Barry was already planning on doing an out-and-back run, so I decided to join him. I let my friend Kim know that I was bailing on the run. It was chaotic on top of McAfee, as it was windy and cold and the group was scrambling to get back on the move. It felt like everyone was everywhere, but I think she got the message that I was done.

Barry and I continued down the trail, with loose plans of going out another 4 miles and then turning around, which would give us about 16 miles total for the day. However, less than a mile past McAfee it was obvious that I was just so done. I felt awful, I was still dizzy, and I had no energy and no power. The most frustrating part is my legs actually felt good. It was just the rest of me, my head included, that had given up. So we ended up turning around at 5 miles, to make 10 miles total for the day.

As we went back across McAfee Knob, it was still foggy. It was also windy and snowing. We were expecting high winds (40-50 mph) later that day, and it seemed like they were already moving in at the higher elevation. On the way back, some of the fog lifted and we did at least get a few nice views along the trail as we made our way down the mountain.

We ended the day with just under 10 miles and ~2300 feet of elevation gain. Still a tough run, but not what I had planned on doing. I’m disappointed in myself, and I guess I feel kind of self-conscious about the whole thing. My confidence took a big hit. I will try again someday, but it is going to take awhile for me to work up the courage to go out with that group again. Which stinks, because they were an awesome group.

There’s a lot to learn from Sunday. I was reminded that when you take big risks and push the limits, you’re bound to fail sometimes. It’s all part of the process. But ultimately, on this day, I think my mind failed me. Mental toughness is a big part of running ultramarathons, and clearly I need some work in that department.

On the way home, Barry and I stopped at Panda Express so I could drown my sorrows in orange chicken. Ironically, my fortune cookie read “You will display great bravery when faced with adversity.” Hah! Not on that day. But I’m working on it.

The Frozen Toe 10K almost didn’t happen. The race usually takes place on the Chestnut Ridge Loop, which is entirely on National Park Service land. Due to the government shutdown, the NPS isn’t currently honoring special use permits. I’d guess a lot of races would have thrown in the towel. But that’s not how Josh and Gina of Mountain Junkies operate. They were able to scramble and work with Hollins University and Roanoke City Parks & Rec to pull something together. And the Frozen Toe 2.0 was born.

The race would now be an out and back on the Tinker Creek Greenway to the Carvins Cove boat dock. It was a tough course that took us up over a mountain (and then back), but it was gorgeous!

There was a big winter storm on the way, but Saturday morning was crisp and clear. I made the quick drive up to Hollins University in Roanoke, found parking and headed to the gym to pick up my race bib. This year we got sweet zip up hoodies with the race!

I mingled in the gym, caught up with a few friends, and waited for the pre-race briefing. From there it was time to head over to the trail head for the start of the race.

I always love that feeling of pent up energy in the crowd at the start line before a race. Standing there waiting to run, I was so excited to finally be kicking off the 2019 RNUTS series and to be healthy and ready to tackle this year.

A little after 9 AM, we were off and running. We started out down a wide dirt and gravel path, went through a tunnel under the interstate, and then ran some small rolling hills through a field. It gave the race field a chance to spread out a bit before we hit the single track in the woods. I felt strong through this early section and I was happy the gradual uphill didn’t seem to be wearing me down.

After the first mile, we started our climb up the mountain, which lasted about 7 tenths of a mile. I mostly hiked, but also threw in some running when I could.

When I got to the top I was rewarded with a gorgeous view of the Cove and a steep downhill. On my way down, the race leaders started coming back. Handling the two way traffic on the narrow single track that was cut into the side of the mountain was challenging, but I made sure to yield to the faster runners.

I love the trail running community. As a whole, it’s a very friendly and supportive place. So despite the challenge of handling two way traffic on a narrow trail, all of the runners were yelling “good job” and “keep it up” and “way to go [enter friend’s name here]” as they passed each other. I cruised down the trail and before I knew it, I arrived at the halfway point at the boat dock. There was a water stop here, so I drank some water and a cup of some funny tasting Scratch (I honestly have NO clue what flavor it was). And then it was time to climb back up the mountain. Again, I hiked a lot of it. But I found that this climb wasn’t quite as challenging as the first, so I was able to run a bunch, too. I feel like I’m getting stronger and more confident on trails.

Once at the top, it was time to run down the steep and somewhat technical downhill on the other side. I stayed on my feet and made it down unscathed.

From there we only had about a mile to go and I started picking up the pace. I was tired, but the last mile was very runnable and I wasn’t going to stop. I kind of wish I had at least acknowledged the photographer, though. 😛

I finished in 1:09:57, which was faster than I expected. I wasn’t sure how I would handle the two climbs, since I haven’t been running hillier terrain lately, other than last week’s Pandapas run.

With the course change, the race ended up being about 5.7 miles, aka the “Frozen Toe 9K.” The joke was made that although the government didn’t shut down our race, they did steal a K from it, ha! But I think everyone was just really grateful to Josh and Gina and all those who put in some hard work to make this race happen.

It started to snow on my way home, and just two hours after I finished the race, it looked like this outside:

I couldn’t resist heading out for a second run to play in the snow, so I snuck in a few more miles.

Next up: Explore Your Limits 10K in early March!

Pandapas Pond and the Poverty Creek trail system in Blacksburg is one of my favorite places to run. It’s got miles of trails nestled in the George Washington & Jefferson National Forests, and it’s definitely one of my happy places. The weather was less than ideal this weekend, but I hadn’t run at Pandapas in over 6 months, so I was eager to get in a run there. Plus, I had good company, or an unsuspecting victim, in Kim.

Kim and I started our run from Hertigate Park in Blacksburg, on the backside of Brush Mountain. Since the partial government shutdown is ongoing, I figured the main entrance to Pandapas was probably closed. This meant we started our day climbing about 700 feet over 1.8 miles or so up the Gateway/Old Farm trail.

It was a rainy, blustery morning with 20+ mph winds. Probably not the best conditions, but you have to take what the day gives you. There has been a lot of rain lately, but the trails we were on drain well and were in good condition. The only sloppy section was at the very beginning of our run. Spoiler alert: the only time either one of us fell was when I slipped on that grass on the way back.

The rain petered out early in our run, and we were well protected from the wind during our climb up the mountain. Once we got to the top and were running along the ridge line, we were blasted with high winds and pelting sleet. It was literally hurting my face.

After half mile of running along the ridge, the trail dumped us out onto the fire road. It felt a bit safer here on the wide road, versus the singletrack trail, because I felt like it gave us more room to dodge a falling tree. Those tall trees at the top of the mountain were swaying big time.

It was easy running down the fire road, which has big rolling hills but a net downhill. Soon, we hit our turnaround at 3 miles and it was time to head back up the mountain to retrace our to Heritage Park. We were working hard, but running with Kim made the miles really fly by. The sun even peeked out during the last mile and a half.

Sure enough, right at the end of our run as we arrived back at the sloppy grassy area, my feet slipped out from under me and I found myself on my backside in the mud. I guess it wouldn’t be a trail run without at least one fall!

I need to tell you something. I’m facing the end of an era and I don’t really know what I’m going to do with myself. Yes, I’m being a bit dramatic. But if you’re a runner or if you’ve been around one, you’ll get it.

In case you missed it – Pearl Izumi dissolved their running line in 2016. Finally, the end of my Pearl Izumi era has arrived. I hoarded a few pairs of my favorite shoes in the ensuing months. But this is it. I’m about to start running in my last pair of PI trail running shoes and there’s no more out there. I know there will be more shoes to come and I’ll eventually find a new love. But for now, I’m in mourning.

Second, I’m going to tell you about the beginning of a new era. At least that’s what I’m calling this one. I’m not much on New Years resolutions. But I do try and have some short and long term goals in mind for the year. One of my goals this year is to acknowledge something that made me happy each day in 2019. I have a journal that I’m going to write them down in. My idea is that it can simply be something short and sweet, something in depth, or even a number of things for the day. Sometimes we get bogged down with negative things both in our personal lives and in the world around us. I think this will be a great way to keep a positive outlook on life.

I’ll close this by bringing it back around to running. Things have been going smoothly for me. I’ve been getting some good consistency back since resuming running in May 2018, after recovering from a tibial stress fracture. I ran two ultramarathons at the end of 2018 and I finally feel ready to tackle some new challenges this year. The big one will be the Yeti 50 Miler on June 1. I also have a lot of other exciting races on my schedule between now and then and I can’t wait!

There’s a lot of training between now and the Yeti. Good thing I’m a big fan of hard work!

When my trail running buddies first mentioned this race, I thought it looked like a lot of fun. I wasn’t ready to commit when registration opened and ultimately filled up back in the spring. But it had a waitlist, so I threw my name on it. I think I was number 36 or so on the list, and I definitely didn’t expect to get in. Lo and behold, September rolled around and I got an email that I had been selected from the waitlist. Alright, let’s do this!

The race takes place in mid-December at First Landing State Park in Virginia Beach and it is put on by the Tidewater Striders. It had great organization, the course was well-marked, and the volunteers were awesome. Overall the race was a lot of fun and definitely one worth doing again. It would also be great for a first ultramarathon.

I traveled to Virginia Beach with Amy, Sarah, and Kim. It was fun to turn the trip into a girls weekend. We made it to the beach, got our packets, grabbed some grub, and headed to bed with visions of trail running in our heads. (I’m sorry…. it’s Christmastime and I couldn’t help it)

The race started at 8:30 AM, so we didn’t have to be up super early. On top of that, our hotel was only 5-10 minutes from the park. So it was a very low key and stress-free morning – my favorite way to kick off race day. Once we arrived, we hit the porta johns, finalized our race gear and walked over to the start.

As you can see in the below photo, it was a rainy and soggy morning. I don’t mind the rain, but I hate when it’s cold and rainy. Luckily, the temperature was in the 50’s and felt great for running. It would rain on and off throughout the race, but it wasn’t raining at the start. There was a pre-race briefing and then we were off and running!

We started out with a short out and back on the road. Not my favorite, but necessary. It went by fairly quickly and then we were off on the trails for the first of two lolli-pop style loops. I started out with my standard 30 minute run/5 minute walk interval. The trails were flat and I was probably running a bit faster than I should have out of excitement. I rolled into the first aid station around 3 miles, grabbed an orange slice, and continued on my way.

This next section was the sloppiest on the race course. I did what I could to avoid the worst of it, but tried not to waste too much energy skipping around mud puddles. We made our way down the main trail, which was flat. After a mile or so, we turned off of the main trail onto a section that had some rolling hills. This section was one of my favorite parts of the course. It was singletrack with some roots, but not super technical.

After two miles, we turned back onto the main trail and headed towards the Bald Cypress Aid Station at mile 7.2. When I arrived here, I was feeling pretty tired. It worried me that I was already feeling gassed at mile 7 of a 31.5 mile race, but I tried to just focus on running from aid station to aid station. The good thing about ultras is that when you start feeling bad, there’s a lot of time for you to feel better. So I drank some soda, refilled my water flask, and ate a PB&J square. From there, I headed onto the three mile loop.

The Osmanthus Loop was my other favorite section of the race course. It had several bridges, and some rolling, twisty singletrack. One word of caution if you ever run this race: the bridges on this section are as slick as ice when they’re wet. I walked all of these bridges and still had a few close calls along the way.

During this loop we had to punch our bibs with an orienteering punch that was hanging from a tree along the trail. This was to prove we had done the loop. After all the runners were through for the first pass, the race officials changed out the punch. This way, you ended up with two unique punches in your bib to show you had run the loop both times. I was worried about missing the punch, but It was heavily marked with flagging and was hard to miss.

I completed the loop and arrived back at the Bald Cypress Aid Station around mile 10. My stomach was feeling a bit rocky, so I didn’t eat or drink anything here. I did grab two PB&J squares and put them in an empty Ziploc bag I carry during races, for that purpose. I felt like I still had enough water in the flask I was carrying in my pack, so I didn’t bother to refill it. That would turn out to be a mistake.

It was a little over 4 miles to the next aid station and about halfway there I completely ran out of water. I was feeling tired and nauseous, so I was moving slow. It wasn’t hot out, so I didn’t necessarily need the water in that moment. But running out of water during a race is just demoralizing. Plus it made it impossible for me to eat my PB&J squares. So no fueling and very little hydration took place from miles 10-14.

I finally made it back to the 64th St. Aid Station at mile 14.5. I got my flask refilled and drank a cup of water and a cup of ginger ale. I knew I was close to arriving back at the start/finish area and my drop bag, so I focused on that. I was no longer sticking to my 30 minute run/5 min walk intervals and was walking a lot more than planned. I completed the first loop (16.5 miles) in about 3 1/2 hours.

When I arrived at the drop bag and start/finish area, Kim was there. I was happy to see her and to hear how her race was going. I also finally met my friend, Kelly, in person, who also happened to be in the drop bag area.

I had clumps of mud in my shoes under the balls of my feet, and all I could think about was the fresh pair of socks in my drop bag. So I sat down in a chair and changed my socks while I chatted some with Kim. I also had to scoop the clumps of mud out of my shoes with my hands. I put a few more packs of honey stinger chews in my pack and prepared to head out. It felt SO good to be sitting there, and I knew I needed to get moving before I got too comfortable.

As I headed back out, I saw Sarah and Amy headed in. They said they were worried about making the cut off at mile 22. I wished them well and hoped they would make it.

I still wasn’t feeling great, so I plugged in my iPod and got some tunes going. These next few miles were really tough for me. For some reason, I got it in my head that the mile 22 cut off was at 5 hours and I started getting worried I wasn’t going to make it. This fear did help get me moving better, though. I also saw my friend Gayle on her way towards the finish, totally killing it at her first ultra. That gave me a boost, too.

I arrived back at the Bald Cypress aid station (mile 22) at 5:02. I was waiting for someone to tell me I was cut, but everyone was just as encouraging as they had been on my first loop. So I refilled my flask, drank some Mountain Dew, and headed onto the loop.

My hips and lower back had started to hurt so badly after mile 16. I think it was from how flat the trail was (although the New River Trail 50K was also flat, and I didn’t have pain like this during it). It actually felt worse to walk than to run, but I was tired and making myself run was difficult. I was day dreaming about laying down flat on my back. As I left the aid station, I did something I have never done during a race: I took some ibuprofen. I usually try and stay away from NSAIDS during races, because of the concern of long distance running and kidneys, but I was really starting to feel miserable.

As I made my way through the loop, I suddenly had an epiphany – the 22 mile cut off was actually 5 1/2 hours, not 5 hours! So it turned out I actually still had 28 minutes in the bank. This realization, combined with the ibuprofen kicking in, did wonders for my attitude. There’s such a big mental aspect to running.

Suddenly, I was running again with a purpose and I felt strong and ready to tackle the final 9-ish miles of the race. It only took me 22 miles to find my groove. I need to remember in the future that I always seem to hit a low spot from mile 17-22 or so during a 50K.

On my way back, some volunteers were singing Jingle Bells. So I spent the next 3-4 miles making up my own lyrics to Jingle Bells. It took awhile, because I kept forgetting what I was doing. But here is what I ultimately came up with:

Jingle Bells
Why the hell
Did I sign up to race?
My shoes are soaked and full of mud
Hope I’m not in last place!

I rolled in to the final aid station at mile 29 and drank some more Mountain Dew. I only had 2.5 miles to go, but the Mountain Dew had been saving my race so I wanted one more little pick me up for the final miles. From here I could smell the barn. I was tired, but I tapped into an extra energy reserve (or maybe that Mountain Dew kicked in) and I ran nearly this entire section. I actually turned in my fastest mile of the day, 10:37, in the final mile. I’m not sure what that says overall about my pacing. But I will say it’s a good thing when Eminem comes on your iPod during the last mile at a race.

I crossed the finish line in 7:16 and change. Amy and Sarah, who had ultimately gotten pulled off the course at mile 22, were there to cheer me in. I was so happy to be done, but I was also bummed to hear their day had ended early. They’ll definitely get revenge at their next race, I’m sure!

Not long after I finished, Kim came rolling in. It had started getting chillier outside as sunset approached, so we immediately headed to the car and made our way back to the hotel. Kim and I briefly hit up the post-race party at Smartmouth Brewery.

The race provided each runner with three free beer tickets (awesome) and free pizza at the brewery. I enjoyed a delicious sour ale and a couple slices of pizza. As it turned out, Kim and I sat down at a table of “royalty.” We soon realized we were surrounded by 100 mile finishers, a recent Hellgate 100K finisher, and runners who had either finished on the podium at the race that day and/or who had completed their 10th Seashore 50K (meaning they had run the race every year since it started). It was great company, but I was definitely a bit awestruck.

From there, we headed back to the hotel and reunited with Sarah and Amy. We all went out to an awesome seafood restaurant together where I had the best broiled scallops and shrimp. Then on Sunday morning, after all the rain and gloom, we woke up sunny skies. Go figure.

All in all, it was a great day and a great way to cap off 2018. My year started out pretty rocky, and I didn’t really get back into running consistently until May. I’m grateful that I was able to run two ultras this fall, along with a handful of other races. I’ve got big plans for 2019 and I’m looking forward to taking on new challenges in the spring.